soft sweet blue

[Hannibal]

You dont' understand what it's like,
To see things
like I do.
I'm not like everyone else (you know that)
it's so hard to live (so hard)
But I do it because I wanna be tough,
I want to show the world I can.
But I'm getting to the point where
I realize the world doesn't care,
and I am but a sliver of nothing,
losing my weakening grip
of reality.

[SHATOUSHKA]

the sign above the door reads:

NIHILISM


welcome, friend. [img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]

[sarafina mable]

this is really great b/c it's short,bittersweet, and i can feel the exact moment you were in while writing. it puts a lot of angry and frustrated emotions on the table
"losing my weakening grip
of reality"
shows the reader exactly that, sometimes you were already sinking when you finally realize you've drowned.
this is great

[machinery]

the idea is there...
simplicity is good but why not with metaphors...
load this fucker up...
tell me what you think.

[Hannibal]

Could you expand a little bit? maybe give me an example or two?
I'm interested!

[Generalkaos]

Well, to tell you the truth, I don't know whether you'll be interested in what I have to say or not. It's sort of been a while, and I haven't really posted here because I didn't want to be overbearing and spoil everybody's fun. That said, I don't think this critigue is too harsh: the emotion is all there, and if you ask me, that's never the problem. The question is, can you express it through imagery? Can you show me pictures that sum all this up? Imagery provides an in, through which the reader, who knows nothing of your feeligns can get inside your head and bring his own thoughts/emotions to the table. By the way, folks, my first collection is coming out from Copper Canyon press before long. I'll say more when I know more.

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ November 11, 2002 05:50 AM: Message edited by: Generalkaos ]</font>